we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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