Where is the hickey?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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