I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
3pm strippers are depressing
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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