I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
