Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize