I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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