at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Bring me that man meat
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
