I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
