Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
where are my eyebrows?
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