It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
