I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
