i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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