I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
