I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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