Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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