Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
