I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
sarcasm needs its own font
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
