if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize