i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
