Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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