Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I smell stomach acid.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
