My room smells like vodka and shame
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
