Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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