She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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