Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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