i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
