His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
