Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
