There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize