She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Im part way to drunk.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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