I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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