Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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