My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I fill condoms, not promises.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
