We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize