Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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