that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize