If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
