PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
being pregnant is like rehab
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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