News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
