but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
