Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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