just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
