pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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