sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
