i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
