Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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