I hate your face
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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