I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
