In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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