Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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