He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
