I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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