dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize