dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the condom got lost in my hair
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
