i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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