Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize