what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize