I'm really into asian looking animals
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
