I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
