I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
