I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
