____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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