btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
