how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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