I wish I could teleport
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
