after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
