Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
