Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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