sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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