So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
farters have to be the big spoon...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
