Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
