If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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