Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
