Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
