so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
