some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize