I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
