So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
