I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
