Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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