that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
