how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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