After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
