how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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