I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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