Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
