i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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