Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
