If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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