Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
