You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
