WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
