Pants 0. Shit 1.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
