'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
