I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
